How can you tell when politicians are lying? >Their lips move.
Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns? > They taste funny.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? > Damn!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? > A stick.
What do you call santa's helpers? > Subordinate clauses.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? > A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? > A bad golfer goes: whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes: damn, whack.
What do you call a cow with two legs? > Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? > Ground beef